the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
