My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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