Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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