were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.