overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.