What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.