Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.