he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.