I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to stop coming to work sober
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
