that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize