4 words: hood of his car
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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