Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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