i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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