I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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