So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
