There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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