I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize