i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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