STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize