your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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