I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
