thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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