I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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