well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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