I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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