you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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