My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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