Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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