Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
