I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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