I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
