I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
