Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize