Got a toothbrush?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
