$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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