He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
