I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
