He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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