I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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