Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it