I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh