i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon