i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
