I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
