i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
