Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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