Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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