We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
