we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
