I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
