Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
