Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you made out with another girl for some wings
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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