and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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