i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
