a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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