If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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