I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
